The adventures of the nutterteers down under!

did you miss me?

2010-01-29T20:41:00.001+10:30

Dear all,

It's been a while

I've missed you, i have

Its just been all too busy but this year i promise to try and write at least once a month

Here's a little update about what's going on here in my little world:

1. I'm a fully registered pharmacist now, meaning i am fully responsible and am able to practice independently

2. I've moved into a new home
It's wonderful, it feels like... a home.

3. I've got 2 dogs and a cat who belong to my flatmate, but we share the responsibilities and the joys of having them around.

4. I work 9 days on and then get 5 days off

5. I'm the music leader at my church, which is very exciting

6. I bought a piano this week, looking forward to it being set up in my lounge in a couple of months.

7. I'm fat. Yes, nothing has changed.

8. Meet the boyfriend, Kean.

9. I'm on a new adventure to brush up my music knowledge i once had.

10. Planning starting a children's choir in Port Augusta.

11. Hoping to make my way home to Malaysia soon.

12. Looking forward to hold my friend, Kelly's baby in my arms in a few days time.

13. Loving every day of my life.

14. Missing you every day too.

Love, Shaleen

2009-06-12T11:03:00.001+09:30

And so its time to say goodbye again to the place i call home.

Or perhaps the place i once called home..

okay lets not go there.

Gonna be a disgusting journey, but i'm excited.

Its true, i do miss home all the time,

but there's something about Port Augusta that constantly draws me back to it.

Maybe its just God.

I know i'm on the right path.

and i've never felt better about anything ever.

God's choices are ALWAYS the best for you,

all you gotta do is listen, and obey.

yoohoo!!

Here i come Port Augusta!

I see blessings and adventure ahead!

I will miss you, home.

Much love, Shaleen.

2009-05-08T06:06:00.000+09:30

shaleeni jayamani is officially a permanent resident of Australia

:)

2009-05-03T21:40:00.001+09:30

dear folks,

Yes i've been busy.
HONEST!

work's crazy!
assignments due??!!
friends to look after!

Lillian's moved out, so life's back to normal i suppose,
which in a way is good as well coz it allows me to catch up on my own personal life,
now i have the room to myself to study at any time i want to,
to do my quiet time,
and just to have my own personal space.

But i miss her though.

Had a seminar today, was just awesome!
Work has been so flat strap that i really missed learning in an adult learning environment like in uni.

Looking forward to friday,
will be driving my new little baby with the company of Michelle Ho all the way from Cleve, as well as Lillian and Sharon..
Gonna be a long drive all the way home after work,
but i reckon i'd be alright.

Can't wait to get back to Adelaide!
Just wanna see everyone again and smile from ear to ear!

:D

2009-04-25T15:07:00.003+09:30

so its been a while.

why?

because i have better things to do now than sit here and blog LOL.

so here's to yet another point form update:

Got another Malaysia girl in town for the month, Sharon, from uni.
Knew her since SIT, so its great fun.

I'm signing up for curves, because its getting too dark to run outdoors these days.

Jaws died.
Maybe I'm not a very good carer.

Looking after Helen's dogs again this week.
Lost them again last night, but managed to find them despite the dark.

Work is getting better.
Less dispensing mistakes,
and more confident and independent.
Still got lots to learn though.

Sudden exponential influx of men.
Like men, not boys. MEN.

Bought my car.
Very very pleased.
Time to start repaying my bank loan.

Got my medicare sorted out as well.
Looking out for car and health insurance now,
and speaking of medicare, i really should get my Gardasil jab before since we can get it free for now.

2 weeks before i go to Adelaide.
I'm very very excited.

Too lazy to write any more, got heaps of work to do.

Will write more soon, hopefully.

Love you all,
Shaleen.

The loneliest weekend

2009-04-13T22:26:00.007+09:30

i miss everyone more and more each time i go back to Adelaide
it just gets worse after every trip
:(

i wanna go back, back to everyone i love
and back to everyone who loves me too
:'(

belllleeeee :( :( :(
i didn't get enough of you although we spent almost everyday of your stay together
you always always always always make me cry!
*pout*
i miss you so so so terribly
:(

hold me sweet Jesus,
i feel so alone.
But i know i'm not.
I know You're here with me.
There's nothing You and I cannot handle together.

Come on Shaleen, you've got the creator of the universe on your side.
You shine with His glory :)

Hallelujah.

on a happy note, i studied really well today :)
study buddy Jolene and I are back to our old '3o minute block' routine
:)
Good to push each other to keep going although we're so far away from each other now.
Love you little monkey :)

ps: Study well 4th year pharmers, it'll be over soon.
:)

OMGOODNESS! SHE BUTCHERED HER HAIR!

2009-04-11T22:51:00.007+09:30

no, i did not chop my head off either, in case you were wondering.
Just had to show you my grad dress.
Yes, the one which i had been going on and on about.
And yes, the one i paid @()(#@!&*$^@!*&^#!(*! for...

Anywaaaayyyy....
pics!
;D

and oh,
the pics of the baby wallaby that was at the pharmacy the other day..
look!
how cuuuuteeeeee :D :D :D

sorry peeps,
i'm just toooooooooo lazy to write proper posts these days.

anyway,
i'm back to work!

and in case nobody noticed, i had 6 inches of my precious long locks cut off for my grad!
i'm surprised that i actually like my new haircut :D

i finally bought my latest pet:
a cute little goldfish named JAWS!
hahaha
should buy another one to keep little Jaws company

Cleaned up the house and the fridge and washed two weeks worth of laundry!
ooh!

My bank loan got approved.
Not very smart of me to have taken the loan at such a high interest rate.
but well like daddy said,
this is my first lesson in practical financing.
which is true.
i'm starting to learn all this now :)

I went jogging too!
felt sooooooooooooooo good
but gosh my legs are so weak now that going up a tiny slope is just pure agony!
and only after two days of jogging,
cranky old injured ankle decides to winge.
now its all strapped up again.
better stop hurting FAST, coz i wanna run regularly now.
If only there was an indoor pool,
at least i can swim instead of run then.
maybe i should sign up for the city to bay run again this year down in adelaide :)

We were so flat out on thursday at the pharmacy that we couldn't get our stock order in on time
which means we're gonna be in BIG trouble coz we're SOOOOO out of stock for tues.
I better make sure i get the order in on tuesday early so that everything comes in on wednesday.

Feeling a little lonely this weekend.
Port Augusta is heaps nice.
The people are extremely nice too.
but i still can't seem to make any friends who are in my age bracket who have similar interests as well.
slowly i suppose.

can't wait to go to church tomorrow.
:)

1 month left till i go back to Adelaide,
and 7 weeks till i FLY HOME HOME HOME!
:D :D :D

love u all,
Shaleen

ps: for those who have confessed their addiction to my playlist, and visit this blog merely to listen to the songs ( and not read about me..*sigh*) i've added something new for u :)

*blows kisses*

2009-04-10T16:59:00.004+09:30

car on its way

long weekend

gorgeous haircut

whole house to myself

started studying

exciting new friendships sprouting

new pet

one hour long telephone conversations

who wouldn't be on cloud 9?

too lazy to write today

love u all,
Shaleen

2009-04-07T23:40:00.001+09:30

thank you jon

for always believing in me

and reminding me of who i am

i cherish you

:)

2009-04-06T21:37:00.006+09:30

Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl:

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl:

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl

*smiles*
why am i allllwwwaaaayyysss madly in love.

and why do i always deny it.

and i wonder why i lose out all the time.

maybe its time to give up current fantasies that are clearly heading into nothing but destruction.

if i'm gonna be needing to try so hard and carry such burdens,
its clearly saying its not meant to be.
maybe i'm just not listening.

but beneath all the chaos and confusion,
deep in my heart i feel peace knowing and so convinced that my true prince will come.

and i won't even have to try.

so sit back and enjoy the ride :)

i love life.

its just, beautiful :)

2009-03-27T19:10:00.000+10:30

today Helen and i were absolutely pushed to the limits
i didn't crack under the pressure
Helen, was pretty much cracking
which i can totally understand, coz she's the owner of the pharmacy
3.30 and i finally get a bit of time for lunch
i run over to Wendy's to get a hotdog and a milkshake
i come back in..
and the pharmacy is FULL again
and then i'm back in the dispensary dispensing, counselling patients, answering phone calls

and then i cracked

we are wayyy too understaffed

Helen appreciates my effort, i can tell
just the way she smiles at me and how she calms down when i take the initiative to help even though i'm not clocked on
i know i don't have to do it,
like all the other staff,
i can just sit there and insist that its my break
and go "why are you on? ur on your break!? just don't bother!"
but we're talking healthcare here
people need their medication
people need their advice
pharmacists have a duty of care
and its way more significant than a hot dog going cold or a milkshake melting

we have a responsibility
and shop staff just don't get that

i'm so exhausted now i feel like hiding under my sheets and sobbing
the thought of going in to work tmrw morn is just nauseating
but the words every coach drummed into my head since i was 8 years old still rings till today:

NO PAIN, NO GAIN.

come on shaleen.
This is the worst job scenario,
but it's the best training you'll ever get.
Be grateful.
God has His reasons :)

haa
i feel better now
just remembering that my Jesus is watching and smiling at me from heaven :)

i feel..

2009-03-26T21:23:00.001+10:30

lonely

2009-03-25T21:33:00.002+10:30

today mr xyz came in
sorry, can't leave name of patients here,
confidentiality.
i could get sued if i did.

and as always he stood at the counter and talked to me as i prepared his prescription which he was picking up for his wife

and over last 3 months i've learnt to really love this sweet man.
he's not that old, about daddy's age.
comes in roughly every two weeks to pick up a truck load of meds, mostly for his wife.
and there's just something about him which just melts my heart.
i'm not sure if its just his tone of voice.
or just the fact that he spends time getting to know me, genuinely.
or maybe its just his sweet smile.
and the wrinkles that form around his eyes when he does.
or maybe its the fact that he wears the same faded blue cap every time he comes in.
even today as we talked about me going back to adelaide,
and that i'll be seeing my family soon,
and as he walked out he said "behave yourself alright?"
awh
i dunno what or how.
but this old man has really won my heart.
i almost teared waving bye bye to him today just at the thought that i won't see him next week.
LOL

lets just say he felt like a daddy :)
what can i buy for him and his wife from the melbourne market next week :)
hmmmm
i hope i can get them something.

:)

haaaaaa

i love being in love :)

2009-03-24T22:19:00.003+10:30

today i joined a few other women at a gathering
and there was me, aged 22,
another lady with a teenage daughter,
and a grandmother,
a lady with two sons around my age who just recently remarried,
and a lady who had just given birth to a beautiful baby boy.

and just to hear everyone share,
i was so amazed at the things they had to say,
about just being a woman,
being a mother,
a wife,
a sister,
a daughter,
i was so blown away.
i learnt so much tonight.
so much wisdom they had.
sometimes we think we're smart just because we did uni.
think twice people before we criticize older people, whether or not they did uni or not.
they usually know a lot more than u learnt at uni.
so hush, listen, and learn.

also tonight, for the first time i saw and felt the joy of being a mother just by looking at someone.
watching the lady tear spontaneously, just because it was her first time away from her new little baby,
and hear her say "oh stop talking about him! i just miss him" and wipe her tears thru her giggles.
i was lost for words.
would i feel that way too someday?
does it get that overwhelming?
do you feel that attached to that "person" u conceived?
but why would u tear?
u know you'll be home with your baby in 2 hours.
i still can't comprehend.
would a daddy feel such overwhelming joy as a mummy would?
why would he?
but he didn't go thru the same things a mum would through a pregnancy?
hm.
i don't understand,
but i can't help feel the warmth in my heart just thinking of how it might feel.
so many questions.
life will answer it when the time comes :)

wow
such an honour to be a lady to have the ability to bear a child
so many times we take that for granted that we can bear miracles :)
i'm absolutely mesmerized

and men, you're darlings in your own ways too :)

2009-03-22T23:33:00.001+10:30

Ridzuan's baby is due on the 21st of April
which is a month away
and apparently its a boy
he must be extremely pleased coz he always wanted his first child to be a boy
i'm excited!!!
ok perhaps a pinch jealous
but hugely and largely excited :D :D

wonder if he'd feel the same way when its my turn to have a baby

2009-03-22T21:45:00.007+10:30

what made my weekend:

awesome choir performance
the choir isn't the best choir on earth,
but its not all about being the best, its more than that

the desert fringe
with stand up comedians and amazing bands

privacy and comfort in Helen's house
love the liberty of being on my own
leaving toilet doors open
running around in my knickers
singing and dancing like a mad woman
leaving a pile of dishes in the sink till tmrw morn
haaaaa....
wonder how its gonna be like living with a hubby and 12 kids

weight loss
current weight:
fluctuates btw 67-68 :D
yay :D
tummy is hideous though..
need to exercise!!!

hearing the voices of loved ones:
daddy
mummy
sher mayne

a surprise note from one of the taxi drivers under my door,
wishing me all the best with my search for a car :D
how sweet! :D

a nice hot soak in the bath tub in rose and jasmine
haaaaaa
i'm such a woman
was a good relaxing treat considering the crazy week i had
and the sickening pile of stressful work every single day
i hope things start getting more settled begining april
i thought march would be sensible, but it obviously wasn't yet

test drove a manual car
and found out that i can still maneuver a manual without any dramas
go go amigos!

everybody loved my cracked up mms today
sent my face all around the globe, just for the fun of it :D
and the responses i received..
haha
was double the fun compared to the fun of sending it!

one more week and i'm gonna have to kiss my nokia E71 goodbye.
just when i'm starting to absolutely love it.
huhuhu.
but hm i gues my (*^^!#!^%$ sister would appreciate it more than i would
trust me to use a 3210 nokia in 2020 and not hear me grumble
haha

6 days to adelaide
7 days to daddy, kami and belle
9 days to my graduation
13 days to Wicked in Melbourne

and then i think i'm gonna have a really hard time getting used to being alone here in port augusta again after a week with family and friends in adelaide

it always gets harder the more times we say goodbye, doesn't it
coz you know what its gonna feel like without them loved ones close to you.

i'm gonna be working under Bernard's supervision tmrw
Bearnard is the previous owner of the pharmacy
and i'm so nervous
i'm still the most useless health professional on earth
but i'm getting there.
step by step.

i feel helpless in pharmacy.
but do i regret spending 5 years doing the course?
not even a tiny bit.
coz knowledge is never a waste.
and i know God's plans are always good.
but that burden on my heart is still there.
beyond just pharmacy.
and i will not stop until i fulfill my calling here on earth.
but what do i do next?
where do i go?
i... am not sure.
and that's when we, both u and i need to get on our knees and seek unrelentingly.
and then the answers will be crystal clear.
you'll never be ready for your task unless you walk through the preparation stage.
step by step.

***

i am sooooooooooo exhausted
so so so so so exhausted
maybe i should stop doing the extra hours
its not like i'm getting paid
maybe jimmy is right,
its really not worth giving the 150% although u feel so responsible towards the workload
hm
i'll try not to overwork starting tmrw
if i end at 5.30, i'll leave by 5.30
i have a life to live too. which i tend to forget sometimes.

i miss paradise community church

2009-03-21T21:01:00.009+10:30

and so i missed the carols last year at church,
altho i had been DYING to be at it all year
and i heard how amazing pastor daniel sang with Marina Prior..
and i stumbled upon in on you tube!!
YOU HAVE TO WATCH IT!!
this guy is NO SUPERSTAR,
he's the most humble, genuine and sincere singer i've ever known..
plus, he's so so so so so funny!
and absolutely grounded in the word of God.
and his voice..
oh gosh..
i see the gates of heaven opening everytime he sings.
i was screaming to myself watching this vid lol.
it was that beautiful.

10 cheers to the camera, sound and lighting crew as well!
the whole creative team of PCC is just phenomenal
i dare say 95% of them are volunteers
and all are amateurs
but with one heart and one spirit
the results they produce are spectacular
****
and so i missed the influencers conference as well at paradise this year
(again)

and i knew wee li was performing some drum ensemble that the awesome and amazing pastor Daniel came up with

and then i saw it on youtube!
haha!

i love it :D
how creative!

and i think wee li's the one on the top corner.
the dude looks chinese. lol.

and then i came across the influencers vid!

and there's like 2 secs of li whacking the drum.
did u spot the chinese dude?
LOL
haha
but urgh!
i sooooooo wanna go for influencers next year!!
why?
coz i love the word of God
coz its REAL!

and boy i miss that church
that church,
with the thousands and thousands of people praying and believing,
the miracles, physical and emotional healings, live transformations that you see within the church and out in our city of Adelaide is just mind blowing
Hallelujah!

2009-03-18T21:53:00.001+10:30

If to distant lands I scatter
If I sail to farthest seas
Would you find and firm and gather
'til I only dwell in Thee?

If I flee from greenest pastures
Would you leave to look for me?
Forfeit glory to come after
'Til I only dwell in Thee?

~ brooke fraser

****

would you...?

2009-03-16T07:46:00.003+10:30

come back, will you
i'll be waiting
i'm not gonna point out your mistakes.
not gonno prove you wrong,
i'm gonna hold you,
kiss you,
and tell you how much i've longed for this day.
the day you find your way back home from your search and adventure.

come home,
when you're ready..

2009-03-14T13:09:00.011+10:30

O Lord, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.
You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, Lord.
You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!

I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave,you are there.
If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!

O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!
Get out of my life, you murderers!
They blaspheme you;
your enemies misuse your name.
O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you?
Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you?
Yes, I hate them with total hatred,
for your enemies are my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

how amazing is that?

whether you're a believer or not,

there is a God who knows your every detail of your existance!

how amazing!

*****

Sweet Jesus,
what is this wall of pain i have built
that hinders me from feeling your presence like i used to.
what have i done?
where have i strayed?
I wanna wake up in the morn and the first thing i see is Your sweet face.
and the first thing i feel is your everlasting love.
being me to that place of revelation once more.
some chains need to be broken.

***

why all the dramas?
homesick?
work politics?
non-ideal living environment?
other responsibilities?

i believe it all bores down to one word:

hurt

ouch

this weekend i really wanna spend time to myself
and just to get some rest.

staying in bed for the day sounds... hm..:)

come on wound, heal up now
you can't keep holding me back like this

***

and so josh leaves adelaide in 2 weeks
i still recall us all in one room
yu sheng, me, josh, lucas, ted
then yu sheng left
then it was me, josh, lucas and ted
then lucas left
then i left
and now josh leaves..

:(

everyone leaves
i wish i had a stable human who would alwz be there with me through every season,
every change,
every phase,
every victory,
every fall,
news flash shaleen,
that will never happen

coz we're only human

***

i love pastor mark's message on fb this week

Proverbs 25v9,10"When arguing with your neighbour dont betray another persons secret. Others may accuse you of gossip and you will never regain your good reputation"

In the heat of an arguement its so easy to blurt out something you will later regret. You want to be proved right and it's tempting to let out that little piece of information that you know is a secret but it makes you right. Don't do it, it will damage relationships and your reputation. A wise person has a reputation for being able to keep confidences. Its a good reputation to have because people will come to you at their times of vunerability if they know they can trust you, and you get chance to point them to Christ.
Have a blessed week
Love Ps mark and Nina

i have found myself in that situation so so so so so so so so many times
i'm glad i have the word of God to teach me,
and to help me guard my heart and my tongue.
how great is the word of God?
soooo good :D

****

also look what my daddy's colleagues sent around thru email:

Dear Uncle,

Wish you HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

This guy never sleeps. Works incessantly and tirelessly. Good at heart. Loves to help people. At his age, he should be enjoying life outside work but no, he tells me “He loves working at Nu Skin and still has the passion to take things to another level”. He reminds me of Sir Alex Ferguson (Manchester United team manager), a winner many times over and someone who just don’t know when to stop. My hats off to you Jaya! Have a wonderful birthday!

Hardworking, energetic, helpful and great in coming up with an idea to solve a problem. ~ Warehouse team

awwwwwhhhhhhhh

i knew i wasn't exaggerating when i said my daddy is a superman :D

i soooo wanna go home and give him huge kiss on his pokey unshaven cheeks!

and hm maybe i do look a little bit like daddy
:D
yay!

2009-03-12T21:42:00.000+10:30

daddy called,
and goes " eh why you go and tell all your friends ah! crazy ah you!"
and then he laughs
awwwhhh :D
i know when my daddy's laugh is genuine
and just to hear him mention your names :D
i couldn't stop smiling myself!
some of you didn't leave your names tho..lol
and mummy goes " yalah! all like uncle 0nly! nobody rmbr aunty! :P"

wait la mummyyyy.....
you turn in october..
the WHOLE mgs from Kami's batch to my batch gonna msg u nyeheheh.

you know some ppl may criticize what i did and say that i'm cheating daddy into thinking that people appreciate him
but i believe that you wouldn't have bothered to text unless u did personally appreciate him
all i did was make u aware of the significant date
and the choice was really up to you:)
thank you so so so so much for the little bit of effort to make a lovable 62 year old man smile
:D
i can't thank you enough!

i love my daddy!!
so so so so so so much!
its alwz worth the effort showing your parents your love and appreciation
after all God did command us to honour our father and mother
:D
i honour them with joy!

2009-03-11T23:24:00.003+10:30

amazing how my friends watch out for me
one wrong move i make
and they're there staring at me like a hawk
it just takes one to find out and all a sudden a whole network of people are at my back,
making sure i don't stumble

i hate it
that i can't stop doing things which pleasures me now but at the end of the day kills me on the inside
i hate it that they nag me, scream at me, talk sense into me

but i know they are right

at least some people love me enough to hurt my feelings for my own good

sigh why do i alwz get myself into trouble!!!!

Holy Spirit, help me!

i pray for self control!
GET OUT OF MY HEAD YOU DEVIL!
YOU AND ALL YOUR LIES!!!
GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-03-11T22:27:00.004+10:30

i feel like running away
to a far far away place
just to be on my own
where noone knows me
and start over

just leave everyone and everything behind
just shut the door and start anew
and start fresh

fresh

i want to cry so badly
but while hosting someone at your place,
you can't be in a corner shedding tears of hurt
suck it in,
smile,
make sure she has everything she needs and that she's comfortable.
its not all about you, shaleen.
people around you need your love and support.

fresh

i want to start fresh once more

2009-03-09T14:57:00.004+10:30

happy belated International Women's day :)
i love the 8th of March :)
To all the amazing women in the world,
we celebrate and appreciate your beauty and sacrifices.
and to the men,
as much as we love, adore and appreciate your strength and masculinity,
we wish for similar adoration and respect
for those who already do, we thank you :)

siew ghee got an internship in toronto!!!!
FINALLYYY!!
after sooooo many months of going thru his stupid resumes and making it better and better when it was already phenomenal to begin with..

i'm soooooooooooooooooooooo exciteddddd!!
FINALLLLLYYYY!!!!
i know how hard it is to get an internship especially when it comes to professional world
yeah!
*jumps around in joy*

now just for the countdown to my trip to toronto...

:D
:D

this has been the best weekend ever
i felt like i had wings worshiping God
if i could have reached higher i would
every burden just melted away
i fell in love again
and what a feeling
and i was reminded of the promise God gave me in the beginning of the year:
there is nothing Jesus and i will not be able to handle in 2009
amen!
if only you'd give yourself a chance to taste and see how good it is to open up to your very own creator

the people i met again after quite some time
the excitement
the memories we laughed about together
it almost felt like family
all the "OMG ITS SO GOOD TO HAVE YOU BACK" and "do we really have to say goodbye again" hugs..
this weekend, i fell in love again with the whole reason i'm alive
i feel so at peace within the turmoil i'm living in

Adelaide has somehow become home
one last hour here till i'm back in port augusta
:(
:(
:(

i'll miss you again..

:'(

2009-03-08T23:30:00.002+10:30

i hate what people do to themselves with alcohol

i hate what people do to themselves with sex

i hate what people do to themselves with drugs

sorry if i have offended anyone

i refuse to stay silent tonight

wake up people, wake up.

2009-03-04T23:15:00.003+10:30

summary of my day:

work - disaster
bike - lights and blinkers got stolen
choir - not great, but was alright
women's day - made heaps of new friends
emotionally - shattered

i had 3 ladies come up to me and tell me that my voice stood out today
i'm like wow
that is absolutely encouraging
:)
back to singing, shaleeni
it's been a while
we've all gotta start somewhere

let me encourage you to be an encourager!
say words that bring life instead of putting ppl down,
you'll be amazed how much diff u can make in someone's life just by being supportive :)

plans to go home to malaysia : CANCELLED

when i'll head home next : ......

had an encounter with a baby wallaby today
will post pics tmrw

love,
shaleen

2009-03-03T22:13:00.002+10:30

summary of my day

work - excellent, made ZERO dispensing mistakes
doctors - nasty experience, but good outcome
choir - all set for tmrw's performance
bike - almost got me killed
now - striking headache, resort to paracetamol and promethazine, in hopes to get some sleep tonight

2009-03-03T20:24:00.001+10:30

i rmbr reading one of the stories in my giant book of stories mum bought for me when i was a little girl

and it was about this little boy who helped save a whale that got washed to the shore

and i rmbr how he used his clothes to soak up water and made trips to and fro to get water from the sea back to the shore to keep the whale wet

and today, down in tasmania

on king's island,

then exact same thing is happening

seeing the clothes on the magnificent animals

the people running up and down to get water

carrying these animals back to the sea

48 pilot whales and 5 dolphins have been saved so far

but 130 have died so far

if only there was a way i could contribute..

:(

***

another thought,

i miss being a child,

where our minds are so pure and clean and unshaped or uninfluenced by the terrible things of this world.

take some time to evaluate yourself,

what has the world shaped you into?

"Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it at all." Mark 10:15

2009-03-02T22:19:00.008+10:30

and when the dancing stops
i fall back onto my knees
face buried in my humble hands
i forgot how it felt to be weep

and as i stand vulnerable
out of my mouth comes prayer
and i felt faith stir in my spirit
i forgot the supernatural power of a desperate cry to the Almighty

oh Jesus, You're my only source of strength.
Break my heart for what breaks Yours.
Break me Lord.
Break me.

"The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." Romans 8:15-18

2009-03-02T20:19:00.005+10:30

waka nini yana? dhoma nyini yalka?
brrp? Yandagai, waka nini yana?
danyie walga, nga dtinaka, nganga-buraya
deya-win?
waka nini yana, dhoma nyini yalka?
brrp! yandgai, waka nini yana?

and i find myself dancing and swaying my arms and hips, singing, twirling and skimming all across the floor of my huge huge room with a huge smile on my face,
without missing the chance to admire the beatiful curves and sways my body could make thru my reflection in the mirror.

i forgot how much i loved to dance and sing.

****

i'm itching to tell megan her 24th bday present

coz its the CRAZIEST present i've EVER bought for someone

like the MOST INSANE AND OUT OF THIS WORLD present

and i'm glad Shelley Chee wanted to be part of it as well

a big happy 374 carrington street family!

gah, few more days and then i can publically display it here on the web.

i can't waittt!!!

****

i've finally bought myself my life application Bible

and i'm ABSOLUTELY loving it :)

reading the word of God brings life.

seriously.

like SERIOUSLY.

:D :D

and Lilian's coming tmrw!

yayayayyayayayaayyayayyyyy!!!

:D :D :D

2009-03-02T12:03:00.001+10:30

sher mayne was right

talk to lucas

:)

i super miss him :(

just recalling how he laughs puts a smile on my face.

for those who don't know who Lucas is,

let me just describe him in a few words:

he's the sweetest,
strongest,
funniest,
most helpful,
most well mannered,
and most down to earth guy i've ever known.

thank God for the amazing friends i have.

gah! i super super super miss him :( :( :(

****

week 8 at work tmrw

i'm gonna try harder

and i'd do so so so much better

if only i could get some good,
undisturbed
sleep...

life with a purpose

2009-03-01T12:16:00.004+10:30

God said:

"I am going to send MORE people into your life,
people you will not agree with your stand,
people who you will struggle to live with,
people who turn their backs againts you and me,
people who are doing things to themselves that's not of my will,

and you, my child, are going to love and care for each and everyone of them

it will not be easy,
but i will use you,
and the gifts i have given you,
to bring change into the lives of these people.
and they will go on to do the same for others.

follow me, my child,
i will teach u each step of the way "

***

sher mayne's suggestions on how to stop missing someone special :

1. go talk to more guys!!
2. go talk to lucasssss!!

shaleen : ....

2009-02-28T21:11:00.004+10:30

i'm still bleeding

what's going on??

one more day

it might just be harmless haemorrhoids.

IT IS NOT IBS OR CHRONS OR BOWEL CANCER FOR GOODNESS SAKES SHALEENI.

2009-02-28T16:46:00.003+10:30

i'm still pooing blood :(

what's going onnnn!!!!!

i believe its getting less tho...

*****

just got back from whyalla

was at a music workshop with a couple ladies

and i realise i CANNOT sing

i'm very inspired to play the piano more though

which is awesome

:)

*****

tmrw's the start of a brand new month

also marks my 8th week here in my new place

which also means its time to get serious about budgeting and putting money aside for saving

i've pretty much finished furnishing my house etc

so there shouldn't be too much spending anymore

i can buy more gifts for ppl :) :) :)

just posted one down to jinn

lets hope it doesn't get lost in the mail

******

I'm thinking of going back in late june or july

but i'm to scared to ask my boss to let me go for 2 weeks

technically i can do it if i want to..

i'm just.. scared

*bites nails*

i'll work extra hard this week and then i'll ask

*******

here's my to do list for this evening:

1. dishes
2. clean kitchen & bin
3. wash, hang, fold and iron clothes
4. clean room
5. vacumn house
6. file away paperwork
7. practice piano
8. bake cake
9. look for accommodation for graduation

then hopefully i'll still have some time to do a bit of personal reading and studying

*****

why do i believe in this God i don't see so so so so so so much?

because i have felt him, seen him, heard him,

and no words can describe how it feels to KNOW and feel his amazing love.

if you think food or any form of entertainment makes u feel great,

you'll be BLOWN AWAY with how much GREATER living with God is.

Take my word for it.

:) :) :)

****

sher mayne's got a line!

and she's on THREEEEEEE!!!!

:)

free calls, free mms!

awesssssoooooommmmmmmmmmmeeeee :D :D

2009-02-26T07:54:00.005+10:30

winds of change

a lot has changed.

things certainly will never be the same.

2009 is a new year.

new job, new location, new people.

****

lillian goes back to adelaide after work today.

:(

how fun to have someone who likes being around you with you.

she'll be back next tues :)

i'll look forward to that.

today's goal at work : less mistakes

****

couple of interesting things that happened yest:

1. a little girl came into the pharmacy.
she's taking part in the world's greatest shave for the leukemia foundation.
and she's shaving her head 0n the day her grandmother died of leukemia.
i happily contributed to her effort :)
i was so inspired :)

2. A mental health patient calls the pharmacy and requests to speak to me.
he asks me out for coffee on friday and to a birthday party on Saturday with him.
my colleagues were both horrified and amused.
i declined them both, politely.
my colleagues think i should tell him i have a 6 foot bf who's buff and who's a big jealous pot.
we'll see how that goes.
i'm quite scared to answer phone calls now.
not because he has a mental health condition,
but just because i don't want to lead him on to think that i'm interested to break certain boundaries.

3. i could not get a car loan.
i have to wait another 5 weeks before i can get it approved.

4. boss sends me to the newsagency to buy the local newspaper.
i stepped in, and i hear tom baxter's single "better" on the speakers.
how shocking!
not many australians know tom baxter since he's UK based.
and i felt.....
i dunno.
i could not describe how i felt.
but i felt.. better.
:)

5. dad asked me to come home when i can.
and that's exactly what i'm gonna do.

gotta ask for leave today.
boss isn't gonna be thrilled.
but i do have 30 days of annual leave anyway..

6. i'm pooing blood.
not the little bit you generally get when ur constipated to the max.
but like blood blood.
like significant red blood blood.
been 2 days.
its fresh red so i'm absolutely sure its not bleeding anywhere in the tummy.
probably somewhere lower down the intestine.
keeping an eye on the progress to see if it gets better or worse.
don't worry, i WILL get it checked out if it goes on for the next couple of days.

start at 9.30 today.
that extra half an hour to myself feels so good.
:)

love you all,
shaleen

2009-02-25T06:28:00.004+10:30

if you wanna be in the game then be in it.

don't just be a spectator,

wanting to follow the progress,
know the scores,
criticize the penalties,

but not get dirty in the field.

you know i'm talking to you.

"just call out your name and you'll be there?"

i must have been looking in the wrong direction.

coz i couldn't find you anywhere.

2009-02-24T20:45:00.002+10:30

3 hours with Lilian in the house

and it feels so so so so so so much better :)

other than the fact that i don't have my own privacy while she's around..

its good to have someone to talk to

at least for 2 nights in a week

that's awesome

:)

happy

:)

but when still the couple of seconds in each day,

i cannot help missing him

hm

what 5 years of geographical separation does to friendship

2009-02-24T00:57:00.004+10:30

scenario 1:

siew ghee: hi babe

shaleen: LOL. eeeeuuu. You made my hair stand. *shudders*

siew ghee: hahaha. fine. i guess you don't wanna be affectionate with me. that's ok.

LOL

***
scenario 2:

siew ghee: eh shaleeni, stop obsessing. i'm sure somewhere in the bible it says don't call a person more than 10 times in 3 hours. somewhheeeerrree.

LOL

***
scenario 3:

siew ghee: i'll come online more often so you can talk to me.haha i know i'm very perasan. but its ok for a friend.

shaleen: LOL i at work 8.30 to 6. i come back its ur bedtime d.

siew ghee: haha somehow la. if it doesn't work, can't say i didn't try. hahahh.

LOL

***
scenario 4:

siew ghee: where did u go? you appearing offline? why?

shaleen: coz i'm doing chores and stuff. pura pura not there la.

siew ghee: lol. what is it that i have. that you want to talk to me. but not anyone else. hahhaa.

shaleen: *rolls eyes*

LOL

***
scenario 5:

shaleen: don't u dare lie! i will not talk to u ever!

siew ghee: haha you couldn't last a day not talking to me.

siew ghee: ok not so true.but you couldn't not talk to me ever.

shaleen: try me.

siew ghee: don't even suggest it.

LOL

***
scenario 6:

shaleen: i super need to study d

siew ghee: ok. go go gadget study!

shaleen: ....

LOL

***
scenario 7:

siew ghee: thanks for taking the time to read and reread my resume and cover letters :)

shaleen: pleasure :) now i shall get to studying. i'm one hour late ghee!! YOOOUUU!! *waves fist*

siew ghee: you love me la.. don't even try to deny it. haha.

shaleen: babi la you.

LOL

sigh some friends.... are worth the agony.

LOL

2009-02-23T18:28:00.003+10:30

drastic changes in weather

+

overworking everyday

+

emotional insanity

+

convenience food instead of healthy food

+

constant lack of sleep

+

dehydration

=

the breakdown of Shaleen's physical body although the mind is still going strong

=

Shaleeni is burning up with a nasty fever, dizzy as ever, sickly nauseous and has a headache that's threatening to smash her brains to pieces.

took me 30 minutes to get home on my bike today instead of the usual 15 minutes.

tonight i should rest.

can't afford to be sick tmrw and not go to work.

there's too much work to complete.

and poor Helen will die without my help.

also, i can't be all sickly when Lilian arrives tmrw.

love,

Shaleen

2009-02-22T22:16:00.004+10:30

dear Belle,

i held the beautiful silver keychain on my bible in my hand.

the one you gave me on my 21st birthday.

and i started to cry.

now don't u read this and start crying also.

i'll smack you.

i miss you.

Jeremiah 31:
³ “I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love.
With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.

⁴ I will rebuild you, my virgin Israel. You will again be happy
and dance merrily with your tambourines.

2009-02-22T20:45:00.004+10:30

dear all,
as you would have noticed,
(or as i hope you would have noticed..)
i'm made some simple yet significant updates to my blog.
considering the fact that i'm busy with work and stuff these days,
i've decided to leave you lists,
lists which would keep you updated with my whereabouts regardless whether i have the time to blog or not
how does that sound?

:)

and i've just realised that my blog is absolutely hideous
like the colours, the everything!
how inartistic.
i'm embarrassed. lol

someday,
i'll do something about it.
when i have the time, that is..
it pays to be a health professional.
with one choice,
some other joys and passions need to be sacrificed.

until next time,
i'll miss u all like always..

love, shaleen

ps: i'm actually studying!
i'm so proud of myself! :D

2009-02-22T15:54:00.004+10:30

today i played the piano at church

yes i wasn't a star pianist

but one thing for sure,

i played from my heart.

and despite the wrong notes, the fumbles, the lack creativity in improvising the music..

God moved so mightily,

not only were the people touched,

i had my fresh touch from God as well.

and one touch was all it took to open the floodgates of joy in my heart.

and people are believing for me

that God is not gonna let my passion for the piano slip away without using it for his purposes

God is good! Amen?

and now i've got a CRAZY dream on my heart!

let you know when i've prayed enough to know for sure its the right thing to do!

ps: in loving memory of snip who died a month ago :(

2009-02-21T17:46:00.008+10:30

thought to share for the day:

i'm truly amazed about the way God has changed me over the past 5 years.

to change from living a life driven for success,
to a life driven for significance.

****

today has been an absolutely productive day!
i woke up late, but since i woke up i've been on my feet getting work done,
cooked a marvelous meal as well :D

still got some chores to do,
then the studying begins.

i'll be able to get a car loan, hopefully :)
and hopefully soon as well

getting my head around banking now,
trying to make the most of my money.

i'm playing the piano for church tmrw..
nervous,
but excited as well.
haven't played in ages..

work is getting heaps better.
i don't really like it,
but i'm giving it 101% nonetheless.

got my bike back,
it doesn't feel right tho,
but i'm still pleased to have it back :)

life goes on!
hard or not,
it goes on and on and on!

ps: sher mayne's flight to sydney is tmrw!
finally we're in the same country again! :D
i'm excited :D

won't be writing as much,
getting realllyy busy these days..
i'm doing good, no worries!

update u soon,
love,
shaleen

i miss him

2009-02-18T08:37:00.003+10:30

but some things need to be done

i'm sorry

bizzare

2009-02-16T02:33:00.004+10:30

what a day

how exhausted

this is the 2nd time i've some sort felt terror out of the blue and later get news about someone.

and coincidentally they both happened right after a bike accident.

do you get sixth senses when you've been in a situation that could have potentially threatened your life?

i have no idea.

sorry to have scared anyone i texted.

i was pretty panicky.

well its over now.

time to get some sleep.

its gonna be a long week ahed :)

much love, shaleen.

2009-02-15T21:47:00.002+10:30

man

vs

God

******

i choose God

hurts for now

but i know i could never make a better choice

i refuse to be dragged along anymore

*****

i'm getting a temporary new housemate!!

i'm sooo excited!

2009-02-15T16:00:00.000+10:30

why do i have this sick feeling in my stomach that something nasty is coming my way

the most amazing valentine's day

2009-02-14T15:42:00.007+10:30

the wife of the driver who hit me today was so shaken,

so was her little girl in the back seat.

i was well, like the last time, laughing about it.

:D

not until the laughter died down did the words the lady said settle into me

i remember it so clearly,

" all a sudden i think twice about life, and how things can change in a second"

how true.

a split of a second earlier and he would have hit me instead of my back wheel.

it was that close.

~~Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow.
You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away --James 4:14

today i am grateful,

grateful to have been able to hear my dad's voice through the telephone,

hear my idiotic sister laugh at my stunt,

feel the love from people who were looking out for me,

thank you Jesus that i am alive today,

once more, safe from the worst that could have happened.

with this short time on this earth,

with my life merely like a vapour,

here today and gone tomorrow,

use me Lord, in any way that you please,

for your mighty works,

i will obey.

this valentine's, i fell in love once more with the Creator.

*****

cherish your loved ones peeps,

because our lives are like a vapour,

and because nothing bad happened to me today,

let me remind you as i remind myself,

cherish them, before it's too late.

no, i'm not being a drama queen.

you'll only know how it feels if you've been through it.

much love,
shaleen

2009-02-14T12:25:00.004+10:30

happy valentine's day

today i got kissed,

by a car.

and i went flying forward again.

heh.

brings back old memories, doesn't it.

i'm still a little shaken,

this time my bike's screwed up,

but i am alive and well..

so stop worrying!

2009-02-14T00:31:00.002+10:30

ghee's in a suit.

he must be looking so good, and i bet he knows it.

all ready for an interview right now at this very moment.

*keeps fingers crossed*

i miss this boy heaps.

its been too many years.

i hope he gets the job.

what made my day

2009-02-11T17:13:00.006+10:30

1. its smayne's bday and she's coming to aussie SOONNN!!!!!!
for those who don't know, sher mayne is my long lost bff.
she left to nz when i was 18.
and we used to keep in touch with each other thru thick and thin.
i still keep all the snail mail then i received from her and boy you would be shocked to see the collection, coz we mailed each other heaps!

not forgetting 1000 word long essays thru emails,
and daily msn.

how awesome is that?
we hide nothing from each other,
we know our deepest and darkest secrets,
and now, after sooooo many years, she FINALLY gonna be in the same country with me again!
AWESOMEE!!!!!
happy bday love!
i'm sooooooo excited!
you're 21!!!
yay!
welcome to the aunties' club.
nyehehehhee.

2. sun's surprising visit to the pharmacy
wing sun was going to work somewhere in whyalla and they stopped by at port augusta on the way.
and she thought she'd try her luck at the pharmacy,
and my goodness i was so excited when i saw here.
and heh, keluar la all the caplang malaysian accent.
and my colleageues could barely understand what we were saying.
hahah.

3. i got off work early, coz i'm to replace someone's hours on saturday.
and what did i do as soon as i got off work?
the answer is...

4. shopping!
bought heaps of food to stock up,
a little electric grill pan,
and a cake stand for 5 bucks!
i am pleasseeeeddd ;D
sigh, i'm such a woman :D
*heart*

5. evening after work chat with lau chung han,
and his passion for the art of eating tim tams.
check this out!

6. kind men with initiative.
i was carrying all my groceries, and trust me they were heaps.
i put them down to the ground for a bit and slowly carried them bit into the taxi door.
and a middle aged man comes right up to me and just picks up everything else and puts it into the car for me.
and i'm like woah, that was.. timely.
how sweet was that?
aren't men the most awesome things alive :D
i think they are :D

wow i really appreciate the two hours off work.
suddenly i feel like i got tonnes of time to get work done.
i'm doing better and better at work,
just need to work on my communication skills.
i make terrible sentences.
will need to improve on that.
my england is so lousy laaaaa.
sigh.

tonight :

1.study
2. laundry
3. clear up house a little
4. plan daddy and kami's trip
5. learn up my choir songs
i'm singing with a choir called the desert voices now, and my first performance is this sunday!
6. rest.
Lee, my colleague approached me today and told me that i've been looking really tired. and
and everyday all of last week, he'd go "ur really quiet today shaleeni" again and again.
and Helen will smile at me and go "she's been working really hard that's why"
heh.
so yea, rest.
i AM tired..

awesome.
love u all, shaleen.

ps: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! smayneeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
i CANNNNOOOTTT WAIITT!!

valentine's in 3 days.
sigh i miss ridzuan.

2009-02-10T07:59:00.001+10:30

good morning world,

can't write much,

but just so you know i'm doing HEAPS better.

lets hope i shine at work today,

and not stuff up anything.

:)

belly dancing and a choir audition tonight,

wish me luck :D

confession

2009-02-08T13:33:00.002+10:30

so i did mention that i tried on an old dress which i had not been able to wear over the last two years, and it fit perfectly.

weight loss?

should be pleased shouldn't i?

today i reevaluated myself.

how can i be losing weight when i'm not exercising?

here's the answer.

i'm not eating.

neither am i drinking much water in the 45 degree heat wave.

have not been eating for the past one and a half weeks.

i only eat when there are people around me.

ie: when i go out with my colleagues or at lunch at work.

all other times of the day... i do not eat.

i know... what was i thinking?

hey, i'm being vulnerable now, so play nice people.

i spend heaps of time in my room, trying to sleep coz i feel exhausted all the time.

i get headaches throughout the day.

and i get dizzy too.

and i've felt really unwell a couple of nights through this phase already.

plus i just had my period which made me feel even more crap over the week.

and if i can't sleep when i go to bed,

i pile myself up with work until i feel tired enough to sleep.

and because i stay in my room all the time, i do not even go out during meal times to eat.

i just stay on my bed and feel my stomach rumble until it gets to a stage where i dun feel it anymore.

gee i sound pathetic lol.

and all shaleeni's loved ones will know that when i'm not eating..

it just means something's not right.

*****

its been a terribly hard month,
not just for me,
but for all of us who have moved to rural areas on our own.

we all struggle sometimes, don't we.

i was coping well from the very beginning

but i guess i'm having a bumpy ride too now.

****

i need to pick myself up.

let the fire in my heart burn again.

i miss waking up in the morning looking forward to the day.

i miss feeling inspired to make the best of my time each day.

i miss going the extra mile for people.

i miss just being myself.

i feel terrible.

i really need to eat.

daddy would be worried sick if he knew i was doing this to myself again.

****

alright, it all starts today.

one and a half weeks is as bad as it's gonna get.

no more shaleen, no more.

i'm gonna have a shower and go cook myself a nutritious and balanced meal.

i can't keep doing this to myself.

come on Shaleen.

It's not that hard if you'd just get up.

up! up! up!

and just to remind myself and anyone else out there who's in the same shoes as me right now,

there's nothing my Jesus and i cannot handle together this 2009.

come on Shaleen.

You've got victory in your hands already.

You've just gotta claim it.

i'll be better, and take care of myself. i promise.

love, shaleen.

2009-02-08T00:27:00.003+10:30

only your true friends would break your heart for your own good.

and its not because they want you to be sad,

its not that they're not being supportive,

but its solely because they love you too much let you hurt yourself when you're not thinking right.

how often can u find someone who doesn't pretend to agree or play nice with your wrong choices, with your best interest in mind?

i don't know about you, but these are friends i would wanna keep for life.

thank you belle.

i appreciate you, i do.

even when we're seas apart,

you still watch out for me even when i was too busy and distracted for you.

i truly appreciate you, i truly do.

2009-02-08T00:17:00.002+10:30

what made my day:

1. bought my microwave oven, hand mixer and weighing scale for the kitchen.

2. tried one of my old dresses and i managed to zip it all the way up! yes! weight loss progress!

3. almost done with all my laundry, and cleaned up the house a little more.

4. awesome time at Matt's bday ( Helen's bf ) with some colleagues and their friends.
ps: Helen in my precepter aka boss.

but the highlight of the day:

receiving ernestine's text right at the end of the day,
and all it said was
" got the ring :)"

i'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited for u nest and i KNOW you're reading this!!!

i was jumping around my bedroom! really!
yay!!

*hugs*

true colours

2009-02-06T19:50:00.002+10:30

your true colours

i see it.

i feel it.

as frightened as u are,

you're ever so beautiful to me.

so don't hide from me, don't run, don't stay away,

i'll never turn away from you,

i'll never let you walk alone,

i'll never let go of your hand,

coz i'll always love you no matter what,

and i'll be here waiting,

coz i know you'll come back,

some day.

the new Malaysian girl in town

2009-02-05T23:25:00.003+10:30

today a man came into the pharmacy.

and while i was serving him,

he asked:

"now where is that accent from?"

"malaysia :)"

"now that's a beautiful smile and a beautiful accent you've got there"

" *beams* "
" *speechless* "

i'm glad i've managed to show someone something nice about Malaysia,
rather than proudly disgrace my homeland with harsh insensitive remarks.
true as it may be sometimes,
i still think we need to have some pride for where come from.
the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

****

i've finally got my internet.
awesome.
no need to spend so much time typing msgs on my phone anymore just to keep in touch with loved ones.
facebook here i come!
haha.

work is getting better.
i'm starting to be more productive, getting my workaholic genes excited.
been working pass my shifts everyday.
can't help it,
there's so much work to do!
getting along better with my colleagues as well,
and gaining their trust slowly in terms of knowledge as an intern pharmacist.

i need to get more organized and i really need to limit my time spent chatting on msn.
i absolutely have no time for that.
but i can't help it coz i miss everyone so much :(
an hour a day?
that's heaps of wasted time.
an hour on alternate days??
i dunnooooo.
sob.
why can't i have everything :(

hehe

:)
i love life.
its tough,
but there's nothing my Jesus and i cannot handle together.

love and miss u all dearly,
shaleen.

ps: i still owe pictures from port lincoln..
soon!

2009-02-01T00:56:00.002+10:30

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the king's horses and all the king's men

Couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.

****

i had a great fall.
hard.
and it hurt.
but i'm no humpty dumpty,
Jesus can put me back together again.
amen?
pray with me, will you?
:)

love, shaleen.

2009-01-29T22:19:00.004+10:30

every night when its too hot,
and i end up lying in bed awake for hours,
i spent a lot of time thinking and reflecting over lots of things.

let me share some of my thoughts with you.

1. while we call "no internet" or "not enough clothes" an issue, some people have REAL problems. no food. no water. no shoes for their feet. dying from diseases.
people are fighting to survive out there.
and here we are fighting to fit into the "happening" group.
and gosh the amout of winging we do about NOTHING!
apparently we have problems.
hm.

2. if you're struggling with lust and pornography now, and you can't even control your thoughts while you're single and on your own, do you actually think your plan to quit all that once you're married and settled down with kids and a family is actually going to work?
hm.

3. maybe Ps Dinesh was right. girls and guys really cannot be just "best friends" without any dramas. i alwz debated with him that he was wrong, and that i was possible! coz i had Matt for like 9 years now, and we've been fine. but then again, when i looked back at ALL the other "best friends" i made along the way who were guys, i realised that they all got complicated, and eventually they do what they do best, leave. he's just my bestest bestest best friend?
hm.

4. why do people deliberately hurt the people who matter the most to them, and treat other acquaintances better?people like family and other loved ones. why not spend time with them and open up to them like they do with others? don't they realise that saving face or ego really isn't worth the tension created and the hurt caused by harsh words and insensible behaviour? arrogance makes you feel like you're the smartest and most powerful person in your circle?
hm.

just some thoughts.
sorry if i've offended anyone.

***

yes, i'm still meant to write about my awesome weekend!
look forward to that, coz its gonna be bananas!

ps: i'll be heading down to adelaide tmrw :)
very very pleased.
gonna do lots of shopping,
catch up with lots of people,
and also have a ball at our company dinner on Saturday night with my colleagues!

apparently its gonna be cooler over the weekend,
and cooler = 38 degrees.
lol, now that's cool.
let's see how long this heatwave will be this year.
will it break last year's record?
i reckon it's gonna smash it easily.

that's all for now,
love u all and miss u all the time,
shaleen in 45 degree port augusta.

2009-01-22T20:38:00.003+10:30

i have the tools to mend.

the same tools i had in my hands all this while.

but this time, i don't have the heart.

****

i know i'm meant to write about my weekend right now,

but if you just give me a couple more days,

i promise i'll write you something more exciting to read.

:)

much love, shaleen.

sunny thursday morning

2009-01-22T07:56:00.002+10:30

good morning world.

woke up waaaayy before the sun came up this morning.

did my little bit of studying.

and then i'm off to work in half an hour.

today is gonna be a long day at work, with a 9am - 6.30pm shift.

work is.. alright i suppose.

a little mundane. perhaps a little too routine for me as well.

don't really like the idea of being stuck in a building 38 hours a week.

well, gotta be patient love. it's only been a couple of weeks.
you've got a WHOLE career ahead of you.

finally got my study table and bookshelf in.

a nice old lady and her husband helped me get squeeze it through my room door last night.
had a few little dramas here and there, a couple of little wounds as well lol
but its all good.

at least now i can start sorting and filing up all my study material and kickstart my studying which is terrific.

should be buying a washing machine soon. phew.
i really cannot imagine how the women back then washed EVERY SINGLE THING with their hands.
2 weeks of scrubbing my clothes and i'm screaming my brains off already.
*salutes the women of the "stone age"*

will write more tonight about my upcoming weekend.

love, shaleen

2009-01-21T22:55:00.003+10:30

i can't wait till March.

just to see my dad and my sis.

and belle too.

just over a week left of living alone.

been a good long day.

but just within this 5 minutes i feel absolutely exhausted.physically.emotionally.

bedtime.

looking forward to tomorrow :)

2009-01-20T22:13:00.003+10:30

snip...

.... died...

.....

...

sigh

trust me to cry over a crab, really.

no thanks to your 40+ heat, Port Augusta.

and he was JUST starting to grow his new legs and shed his skin.

but no, you had to fry him alive in the house while i was out at work.

gah.

my crab

:(

update

2009-01-20T20:11:00.005+10:30

this is gonna be the most unimpressive post ever
but oh well, i gotta update and i so don't have the time to garnish it with flowery words
so this time we'll have it in point form!
LOL

1. Port Augusta
- quiet
- reminds me of my grandma's
- majority of the people are my parents age or older
- barely any asians
- HOT, couple of degrees hotter than Adelaide
- a real country town
- not much shopping options
- no full on public transport
- absolutely windy
- beautiful views of the sea

2. House
- 2 Bedroom house
- kitchen has an oven (yay!)
- backyard has mandarin oranges, grapes and lime in abundance
- room is HUGE, 3 times the size of the room in adelaide
- 15 minute killer cycle uphill or on rocky grounds against the wind to the CBD where groceries are bought and work is
- scary at night when the wind is really really strong
- backyard needs lots of work
- room still needs a study desk and a bookshelf

3. work
- long hours
- full day on my feet
- still screwing up till today
- boss reckons i'm doing good so far which is comforting
- love my diana ferrari shoes, really glad i'm not wearing novos
- still don't have a uniform, looking forward to my white coat and nametag
- takes up all my time, don't have much time to do anything else

4. other stuff
- got myself 5 new books in 2 weeks *heart*
- my push bike is called jade, she's a blue dunlop and she braves the wind with me on a daily basis
- have a little keyboard now, can't seem to keep my hands off it
- i'm allowed to use the piano in church everyday during my lunch break *jumps*
- going down to visit Michelle in Cleve this weekend, and take her for a drive around the Eyre Peninsula
- snip's molting, he's growing new legs to replace the ones i smashed, and i need to get him a bigger shell coz he's running around naked at the moment
- still don't have a washing machine or a microwave, life's hard without these little gadgets.

5. emotionally
- mixed
- braving the change better than i expected
- realised how loved and blessed i am and how many great friends i have
- missing Adelaide heaps and finally appreciating how important it is to cherish your loved ones around you.
- fired up to improve myself at work
- miss home as always
- feels odd to not be busy making CNY cookies with mummy now.

all in all i'm good.
God is opening so many doors of opportunity for me.
i'm more excited than ever.

this is only the begining.

dear Matthew

2009-01-16T02:21:00.002+10:30

i'm challenging u to a "race" cycle up that crazy hill to the puncak seni in Bukit Cahaya the next time i come back.

:P

if i win, you're coming with me to the dentist.

train up sweetie.

*winks*

happy bday jon koh :)

2009-01-09T12:32:00.006+10:30

7 hours to go
spending my day reading and watching some tv,
from intense action with the Brisbane International,
to laughing my brains off at Ellen DeGeneres and her nonsense.
if you have never watched her TV show,
you should give it a go.
She is ABSOLUTELY bananas.
good stuff.

Really glad everything is done,
no need to rush anything last minute.
meant to get a haircut and go to ikea today,
but i decided to stay home instead and get some rest.
Its been a crazy week,
running up and down,
driving from one end to the city to the other,
packing, paperwork, seeing people off, helping others move, etc etc etc

staying home for the day might just be exactly what i need.

:)

Wee Li and Lynn are driving me to Port Augusta tonight.
They'll stay with me tonight and then they'll leave tomorrow.

Tomorrow morning Jia Ching is driving up with more of my stuff.
He'll stay over with me on Saturday night and make his way back to Adelaide on Sunday.

How amazing is that?
How spoilt am i really?
Spoilt by the people i have around me.

i have no words to describe how grateful I am to have people who offer to help me to this extent.
and not just offering, in stead insisting without any intention of taking no for an answer.
Even when i never asked for any help.
I had even booked my bus ticket and almost confirmed my freight.
but ended up canceling all those arrangements.

****

Was feeling a lil nervous this morning.
Receiving Nest's message on facebook turned my morning around.
Its good to hear wise words from someone who has been through the same journey and emotions that comes with it.
i think i need to be really patient with this move.
its a brand new start,
and i really should take it slow instead of rushing into things just to try to fit in.

the amazing things your friends would do for you, huh?
have i made you go "WOW" already?
:)

Receiving all this love makes me want to pour out more love for people around me.
coz doesn't it feel just great receiving love?
i want people to feel the same way when they receive my love too.
:)

Thank you guys,
i cannot thank you enough :D

*****

have not mentioned anything about my new year resolutions, huh?
been too busy to talk about anything here on this blog.

well, i've never made new year resolutions.
but this year i made 5.
and they all seem pretty sensible and realistic.

here, have a look :

1. Lose another 8 kilos to get back to my initial weight before coming to Adelaide.
2. Kickstart my dream to make a difference in the lives of those in need.
3. 2 hour session of Swim or any Sport once a week.
4. Learn up about the history of Christianity and understand the different denominations.
5. Stop being lazy to use my brain. (Mr Chia's challenge for me)

what do you think?
:)

the closing of another chapter

2009-01-08T19:46:00.007+10:30

so this is the last day in Adelaide.
Don't have much time to write about my last 2 years in Adelaide.
but one thing i must say,
i am blessed to have met so many amazing people here who have taught me so much.

here are some pictures just to summarize the last 2 years:

*****

let me introduce you to a song from "Wicked"
really wanted to watch it in Melbourne,
but i couldn't afford the ticket.
such a shame.

such a beautiful song,
and it goes out to everyone who has walked my 2 year journey in Adelaide with me
just thought i'd share the words of the song with you :

I'm limited:
Just look at me - I'm limited
And just look at you -
You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda
So now it's up to you
For both of us
Now it's up to you:

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you:

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend:
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you,
Because I knew you:
I have been changed for good

And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for

But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share
And none of it seems to matter anymore

Like a comet pulled Like a ship blown
From orbit as it Off it's mooring
Passes a sun, like By a wind off the
A stream that meets Sea, like a seed
A boulder, half-way Dropped by a
Through the wood Bird in the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better?

And because I knew you,
I have been changed for good.

******
thank you Adelaide.
You sure have changed me for good :)
goodbye for now,
i will miss you.

lonely morning

2009-01-07T07:29:00.006+10:30

barely slept last night, waiting for Lucas's call.

Finally called at 3, and we headed down to the airport at 4.30.

virgin blue should really consider opening more counters here in the adelaide airport.

So Lucas is off on his new adventure.

Just got his text from Sydney.

I miss him terribly.

Andrew and i don't seem to be clicking since we said our goodbyes in Melbourne.

Saturation? Perhaps.

Will time heal? Perhaps.

I miss him terribly too.

*******

Another long day with lots to do.

7.30 in the morning and not only am i physically tired,
this time the heart feels heavy too.

should get a little rest. hopefully some sleep.
and set the heart and mind right again for the day.

my long day starts at 9.30 when Abel comes over to help me remove my furniture from the room.

2 days to Port Augusta.

My own adventure is about to begin,
and the words that God clearly spoke into my life recently is that 2009 is going to be anything but easy,
but there's nothing too difficult or painful that my Jesus and I cannot handle together.

Such a powerful promise.
Hallelujah.

:)

farewell to my superman

2009-01-06T23:17:00.003+10:30

sigh.

why do we torture ourselves seeing off the people we love really.

should just let them walk away on their own to persue their dreams.

why go through all the agony of watching them walk away from you and step into a plane and finally disappear from your sight.

I'm sending Lucas off to Sydney tmrw.

can anyone tell that i'm not all that excited?

don't go Lucas Lee... :'(

come to Port Augusta with me instead..

don't go....

:'(

wooosh

2009-01-06T15:40:00.005+10:30

gosh i need a vacation

oh, i just had one.

maybe i need another one.

i'm SOOOO tiredddddddd!!!!!!!!!

well there's no time for anymore vacations,

maybe i should give good old Mother a shot.

i'm so tired its not even funny.

finally finished my packing.

still so much left to do!!

paperwork.

applications.

move my furniture out.

clean up the house.

my house looks like a war zone, like seriously.

its such a MESS with me and my housemate's bf moving out.

boxes, suitcases, bags, parcels, things everywhere!

Shelley sent her friend Reuben off to Singapore for good today, and come home a lil down.
and now she's going on and on about how i should not leave to Port Augusta.
i must admit when people keep telling me not to leave,
it does burden me a little not to.
right now, i've gotten over the whole "i don't wanna leave" phase.
and i really hope i don't sink back into reluctance when people start bidding me goodbye.

but i must say that this nomadic lifestyle is ABSOLUTELY draining.
not only physically, but emotionally.
but i suppose this is a phase in life all of us will go through at some point in life.
somehow i see myself being nomadic for the rest of my life.
while one part of my heart wants to settle down and have a stable and constant life,
the other part has so many dreams which makes settling down anything but an option.

one step at a time, i shall not be hasty.

alright, what's the next task on my list.

hmmmm.

back to your cleaning sweetie.

:)

"ok nobody move!!!"

2009-01-06T00:51:00.004+10:30

sounds like we're in a bank robery scene right

but no larr...

we just had our own little adventure during our attempt to dismantle my loft bed in an 8x7 feet big room.

4 of us, clinging onto the wobbly bed, coordinating as best as we could to flip it over.

Next thing we know, we hear a huge crash and the lights go off.

the hot bulb falls right onto josh's foot.

the room was pitch black.

i could hear Shel scamper out of her room.

the door was shut and lisha was caught in the little corner right next to the door.

Lisha eventually managed to squeeze out through the little door opening and Shel came to the rescue with a torch light.

all's good.

just gotta call up the landlord tmrw to have a look at the damage of the light and the walls.

might pop over to bunnings to see if i can find a replacement for the light instead.

might be cheaper perhaps?

lol how funny to think of it now.

a huge thank you to josh and li sha and handy man, mr Handy Goh No for helping

there was no way i could have done it without ur help.

and smashing the lamp was exciting!
gonna hurt my wallet, but i'm sure that'll be something we'll rmbr for quite some time now huh?

2009-01-05T15:00:00.005+10:30

challenge of the week:

letting go.

******

When you love someone so deeply
They become your life
It's easy to succumb to overwhelming fears inside
Blindly I imagined I could
Keep you under glass
Now I understand to hold you
I must open up my hands and watch you rise

I have learned that beauty
Has to flourish in the light
Wild horses run unbridled
Or their spirit dies
You have given me the courage
To be all that I can
And I truly feel your heart will
Lead you back to me when you're
Ready to land

Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Fly abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me, we truly were meant to be
So spread your wings and fly
Butterfly

I can't pretend these tears
Aren't overflowing steadily
I can't prevent this hurt from
Almost overtaking me
But I will stand and say goodbye
For you'll never be mine
Until you know the way it feels to fly

So flutter through the sky
Butterfly
Fly
Spread your wings and fly
Butterfly.

~ credits to Mariah Carey for such a beautiful description of feelings which matches what's currently on my mind

***

i've never eaten out so much in my life like i have been throughout this week

new years i had vietnamese + jackfruit smoothies
and another dose of indian tempations for dinner with shelley, handy, and another 2 friends.

then the next morning, jia ching brought jacky and i for italian breakfast.
it was so huge, it could have been a lunch, for real.
had maccas for dinner with my beloved fellow chindian, Michelle.

Saturday had dinner at Hog's Breath with fellow pharmers from SIT,
Mun Kit, Keth Lyn, Any, Yi Wen, Wai Mun, Carolyn and Amy.
Amy and i shared massive lamb shanks and a beautiful Banoffie Pie for desert.

Sunday, Mae and i had lunch at Astor with all the men from Life group.
Jia Ching, Jacky, Abel, Alvin Liew, and Jimmy.
Then all the ladies arrived not too long later:
Jane, Ruth and Hui Ling.
Had my 2nd dose of salt and pepper squid of the month.
yum! :D

Sunday night was dinner with more SIT pharmers at E-Shan.
food wasn't great.
Desert at Buddha Bar was TERRIBLE.
but the company of Siow, Ju-Lear, David, Gerald and little Ron was amazing.

Tonight will be the last dinner with my favourite Lucas Lee
:( :( :(
i sooo don't wanna see him off to Sydney on Wednesday.

more eating to come when koko Wei Jin finishes his exam on Wednesday,
and when Megan gets home on thursday!

then its off to Port Augusta on Friday!

eyre peninsula

2009-01-03T22:12:00.009+10:30

when the 5 of us made our way around the eyre peninsula last year,

it never did occur to me that i would EVER have to live or be anywhere close to such a beautiful place

now i'm like at the gateway to eyre peninsula,

i must say, i AM quite excited :D

here is a sneak peak of the many stops we made at the beautiful eyre peninsular in spring 2007

tumby bay

can't rmbr the name of this place
but it was breathtakingly, phenomenally, magnificently beautiful

stairway to heaven 1

the stairs all the way down to the coastline

stairway to heaven 2

cowell

cleve! this is where michelle is at the moment :D

kimba, which marks the middle of the whole Australian continent

this picture is from google.. coz i don't have a copy of the pics we took at whalers way

whalers way

can't rmbr the name of this rock sculpture place

this is going to be an amazing year.

i know it is.

Time to grow up sweetie.

ps: jon koh turns 26 on friday!!! OMG!

2009-01-02T23:05:00.006+10:30

shaleeni is back on her feet

2009?

new job, new environment, new life?

bring it on.

i'm ready.

like totally.

this is war.

********

so i sent michelle off to cleve this morning

and the one thing on both our minds were

"what on earth did we get ourselves into!!"

and as i hugged her off we just didn't wanna let go of each other,

she'll be 3 hours away from me in port augusta all year,

and i'm determined to make a conscious effort to make her year in the 800 population area less miserable.

this is the toughest new year ever.

3 significant people i had to see off in a week.

Lucas will be the next on Tuesday.

I'm so tired of crying over the goodbyes.

but i can't help feeling sad that we won't be doing life together for some time.

and then in a few days time, it'll be a huge goodbye to all in Adelaide for me

i'm doing good by the way,
thank you if you were concerned :)

lets get it started

2008-12-31T09:22:00.010+10:30

alright woman

vacation's over

time to get ur butt up, wipe your tears and get this shifting started.

challenge for the day :

pack up another quarter of my room.

alone or not, you've got work to do.

now move it!

ps: what's with the gloomy depressing winter lookalike 17 degrees in adelaide at like 9.30 am

seriously

it should be sunny, with birds chirping to welcome me home for my very last 10 days in adelaide!

and another ps: some ppl are just !@*(&#!(@^$!^@%

*****

this is it,
Shaleeni is on the 8.30am bus from Adelaide to Port Augusta on the 9th of January 2009.

*******

i'm pretty sure the question on everyone's mind right now is:

where's andrew?

andrew's gone back to Brisbane to spend the new year and the last couple of days with his cousin.

so i'd just like to use up a little space in this post to appreciate a good friend of mine, who made me cry buckets at the airport when he left me in this dry land.
not once, but TWICE.
yes, i did tell myself not to, but why struggle to hide emotions when they're genuine?
its perfectly normal to feel the loss when someone leaves you, isn't it?

good memories, young man.

you've made an impact on my life, and for that i thank you.

i hope i've done your trip justice.

if i have not, i sincerely apologise.

get home safe.

i'm sure your family misses you.

when the heart decides to speak..

2008-12-27T21:43:00.010+10:30

so i turned on my old phone today

and started scrolling through old messages which i had not deleted since the last time i used it

dated roughly 2 years ago, before i left for Adelaide.

such warmth.

packed with sincerity, love and care.

no bitterness, no barriers, no hatred.

no jealousy, no ego, no lies.

full of encouragement and assurance.

i can still recall u reassuring me one night that we'd never grow apart despite the distance or circumstances.

and we worked hard on it.

we danced through every season together, hand in hand.

but after these 2 and a half weeks,

i'm starting to get the vibes that over the years,

unfortunately, we indeed have grown apart.

we're just dry. cold. brittle.

arrogance and ego reign.

love has been locked up and put away.

secrets and tales corrupt and threaten to rob the relationship of its innocence and trust.

miserable, indeed.

i used to believe u'd always walk this journey with me.

now i doubt if you'd prefer the option of walking away..

i've lost the sense of security in you, my friend.

i keep telling myself that its there,

but despite the trying,

i just don't feel it anymore.

and as the music haunts this new season and phase in life,

i reach out, wanting to dance with you once more,

only to find that maybe i should start to learn to dance on my own this time..

i miss you.
the you i got drawn to care for.

i miss us.
us being the great inseparable pair of buddies who used to bring immense joy to each other's lives.

can we be restored?

am i doing something wrong?

shaleeni is...

2008-12-12T22:08:00.001+10:30

alive and well

having her well deserved vacation

heading back down to adelaide on the 15th

heh

lazy to write

will post some pics soon

bye all

*blows kisses*

12 hours

2008-12-08T11:33:00.002+10:30

hello all

shaleeni leaves Malaysia tonight

i'll miss u.

already am.

lets not grow apart, shall we.

i love u all.

2008-12-07T14:59:00.007+10:30

uproot.

i forgot that i was in the process of pulling everything out from the roots.

Instead i've strayed away and been feeding, nurturing and watching it grow.

and as it lives and gets sturdier, day by day i die a little more on the inside.

is realising this 1 day before i head off on my own again a little too late?

i think it is.

i'm stepping into the wrong battlefield.
this battle should not be mine to fight.
i need to leave.
coz there are some things in life not worth fighting against which we just need to run from.

i look ahead and all i see is pain.
then why do i still want to go there?

is it that hard to act on a decision that will save your soul from rejection and hurt?

uproot it Shaleen.
just do it.
please.
It'll only hurt for a while.

reluctance

2008-12-06T00:03:00.003+10:30

2008-12-05T00:19:00.001+10:30

Today i remembered how blessed i am to live in peace.

No living in fear every moment of the day, wondering what my next step would bring me into.

No playing with my mother without knowing that i might never see her again the moment i take my eyes of her.

No watching people killed and tortured in front of my very own eyes.

No need to hide away in hidden dungeons to try to live just for another day.

No looking at the table to find no food on it, that is, if there even is a table.

No walking barefooted on the burning grounds which sting my tender feet.

No constant running from enemies which are unseen.

I cannot bear imagining the agony.

What can i do with these humble hands to help these people.

What can i do with the knowledge and skills i've yet to master.

What can i do with so much more to equip and prepare myself with.

i don't know.

i helplessly don't know at this point..

Heavenly Father, i pray for Your people.

You've given me the heart,

and my one desire is to give it ALL back to You.

use me in Your time, i will follow.

the last 4 days

2008-12-04T20:55:00.004+10:30

so much to do with so little time

i can't believe i'm going back there in 4 days!

Only God knows when i'll get to come back next.

I've even only bought a one way ticket this time.

urgh

even the thought of it makes me sick in the stomach.

well, there's no turning back i guess..

and like it or not,

the truth is that the moment i get my PR,

there's no way i'm gonna be settling down here in Malaysia in the next 5 years or so at least.

five.

such a harsh number.

will i ever lose my affection towards home like many others do after a certain number of years in a foreign country?

what if i do?

********

step by step Shaleen.

lets get through this phase first.

*******

ps: pharmers, i've FINALLY dyed my hair. and i'm hating it. heh.

great days are made of these..

2008-12-04T00:47:00.004+10:30

breakfast with a feast of juicy mangoes plucked fresh from the tree in my garden

chasing and catching grasshoppers

playing with touch-me-not's and watching them shut with each gentle touch

Robin Koh's breakfast call

Andrew Chan's very exciting bank adventure

another session of productive shopping for aussie aussie aussie

the great company of Ng Ke Xin and mr Jon Koh

bowling where i did a personal best of 144 points
(i've never been a decent bowler)

prune and honey bubble tea and Macca's fries (with LOADS of sauce)

a 100m sprint home thanks to very upset Klang street dogs

My attempt for an extreme makeover with mummy's help which didn't turn out right

4 hours bickering and wrestling with Matthew Lee

Mi goreng, satay and sirap limau ais

and the thought of spending tomorrow with Matt, Rob and a surprise meet up with THANU!

Ahhhhhhhhhh

how blessed am i?

like totally.

i'm so glad i'm done with all the shopping for things to bring back to aussie

my pocket is dry, like seriously dry

today marks the end of spending

boy, am i glad.

i foresee tonnes of eating for the next few days.

sorry Andrew Chan, no hot skinny bikini babe walking next to u on our vacation la huh.
i cannot resist the food.

i love my life in Klang.
do i really have to go back to Australia next week?

2008-12-02T00:17:00.002+10:30

1. earphones
2. blouse
3. bikini
4. reebok trainers
5. heaps of hair clips
6. undies

all at bargains!
ok maybe except the earphones.

productive shopping is TIRING.

why am i feeling so exhausted!?

next on my shopping list:

1. socks
2. international adapters
3. more tops
4. face sunblock
5. medicines and first aid
6. hat
7. beach thongs

kiss my hard earnt money goodbye.
but better buy it here while its cheaper!

2008-11-30T16:03:00.003+10:30

good morning world

the time now is 1.34 pm,
and Shaleeni Jayamani just woke up from her 2nd block of sleep for the day

haha

got up at 7 this morning to a teddy bear in my face.
was from my sister.
aww.
OMG I'M LEAVING HOME AGAIN IN A WEEK.
here comes the turmoil of emotions.

had a massive tummy ache the moment i woke up,
and ended up sleeping on the sofa for another 5 hours.
talk about exhaustion.

now i feel even more tired from all the sleeping!
nasty!!
should get my lazy bum up and do some dangdut!
*wiggles butt*

*******

last night's outing with the St John girls from school was GREAAATT!
met Jinn, Sue-Li, See Ting,Wen Dee, Chin Yong and Juli who came back from NZ.
just like old times in school.
so sad that once upon a time we used to do everyday together,
now its just a couple of hours every 6 months.
everyone still looks the same,
and the chemistry has not changed either.
awesome.

********

and so 8 of us went cycling yesterday at bukit cahaya.
There was Tina, Soo, Ke Xin, and Sean,
as well as Hui Xin and Hui Ling,
plus Nath who was under my care for the day. haha

cycling was a blast.
loved working those flabby thighs uphill.
and surprisingly, although they're disgustingly flabby and wobbly now compared to the training days,
they're still pretty strong!
i managed to power uphill, ahead of hui xin and hui ling who are still training!
even hui xin was like "woi u gila one ah! nv train still stamina like horse!"

LOL!
must admit i was pleased!
such a boost!
i REALLY should do something to up my fitness level,
and hopefully at the same time slim down tonnes more next year.
i just hope working full time and studying at the same time won't hinder me from doing that.

*******

today is gonna be spent studying
been having these massive allergy strikes out of the blue begining last night
even now, my eyes are all wattery and i'm scratching my whole face as tho there are bugs crawling beneath my skin.
Thank God for the people who discovered antihistamines.
i'd be scratching my face all day if not for them.

alright time to start work!
goodbye lovelies.

2008-11-29T10:29:00.003+10:30

mia and roger wang's showcase was phenomenal

i wouldn't mind being Roger Wang's maid if i could hear him play the guitar like that everyday

hahaha

and what a small world,

mia's flying to the Gold Coast on the same flight as i will be on the 8th of Dec.

haha.

*******
yesterday was a real testimony of the power of prayer.

i need to change the habit of only realising that God is out there for me only when things are going great.

i need to KNOW that even when things are going downhill,

God is already ahead of me fixing up the solution.

I need to understand that.

and I will keep praying.

I won't give up.

I will persevere.

*******

cycling time!

weeee!

2008-11-28T01:11:00.002+10:30

what a storm outside.

Thank God daddy came home safely despite the rain and floods.

i pray that my sister will be back safely too.

***

time to start packing.

2008-11-27T22:15:00.003+10:30

what a productive day!

excellent :D

spent the evening with ke xin and rob doing shopping

didn't manage to get much for myself though

just over a week left!

i need to work harder on my IELTS prep.

going slow, but going great.

*******

i think i'm putting on weight

again.

i feel like a bloated watermelon.

how laaaaaa.

such volatile weight.

*******

not in the writing or thinking mood.

too many things to do.

so just writing down the first things that come to my mind without putting much thought into it.

the 3rd years will have their final paper on Saturday,
i hope they're studying well.

preparation for Andrew's trip isn't going too great.
but i'm sure we'll pull through over the next week.

going for Mia's concert tmrw,
the dress code is the 60's
and i have NOTHING 60's in my wardrobe.
lets see what i can dig out of mummy's wardrobe.
ahahha.

*******

i'm so so so so sleepy! and its only 8pm!
i think my head is still clocked according to adelaide's time.
haha

such a happy day, compared to yesterday.

forgiving someone and letting go of grudges does bring forth effortless joy.
hm.
yay
i feel good
so good :)

did i swallow a grenade?

2008-11-26T23:50:00.007+10:30

shaleeni jayamani has only one thing to get off her chest now:

i could not be bothered anymore.

at least for tonight.

maybe my largely forgiving heart will talk that tiny angry portion out of feeling this way.

but for now,

*exhales*

can anyone sense how sorry i feel for myself?

urgh

really not worth my time and effort!
why do i even bother!!!!!?????

2008-11-26T22:09:00.003+10:30

i woke up to daddy screaming and banging on the gate after his morning walk with tyrande in his arms

tyrande (the new tyrande) had the same fate as his mum patches

yet another road kill

it really pays to live on the main road, especially when u have stubborn, kaypoh and curious cats

one dash out to the main road, and its goodbye

5 cats under our care have died over the past 2 years

are my parents doing something wrong?

i don't think so.

it just happens. unfortunately.

*******

otherwise,

today was a great day

got lots of things done.

********

been spending lots of my hard earned money on households for the family

although i'm only forking out pennies in comparison to the thousands my parents have forked out for me

i must say that contributing financially to the family feels GREAT

and i love it

i'm sure many of you can relate to what i'm saying.

:)

i feel like a big girl in the family, finally.

********

i can't believe tomorrow is already Thursday!!!

gotta appreciate and make the most of the few days i have left here in the comfort of home.

my 2nd week back home begins today

2008-11-26T00:36:00.006+10:30

spent most of the day in coll helping my sis and meeting familiar faces

had a good time at lunch with my brother for life, mr Jon Koh

after 4 months, he has not changed a bit,

still as good looking, lame, hilarious, and late as ever.

today's chat over lunch i believe has launched the friendship into a whole new "dimension".

Thank God for good friends.

*********

still haven't decided whether i should live on my own next year

i need to decide, fast.

********

had another spoon from the bitter bowl of reality.

oh boy, it hurt. bad.

********

ironically when i'm trying not to rmbr Ridzuan at the sight of every corner in Klang and Subang,

out of the blue he decides to be extraordinarily nice to me.

i must admit, i am pleased.

********

ps: i miss u so much Marabelle Heng :(

2008-11-24T11:22:00.004+10:30

the 27th National Inter-Club Swimming Championship 2008
for the Presiden's Cup

9 events

1215 athletes from all across Malaysia

ranging from record smashing swimmers to swimmers who literally pee in their seat due to nervousness

love the scene

reluctantly disqualified 8 swimmers though on my lane over the 3 days

***

Matthew is having his exam this week
5 papers over 5 days begining today

yet he chooses to swim for the meet
and smashes his personal best for his pet 50 breast event

got me thinking
like wow, he still picks his sport over his studies.

i chose my game throughout the schooling days
exams or not, i played.
the exams could always wait.

but 3 years ago i had to make that choice,
my only and last shot sukma, or pharmacy

and i chose pharmacy
and here i am now winging about how much i miss the scene and that life is miserable with the books.

but if i had chosen sukma,
would i be where i am now?
one result away from a graduate pharmacist?

hm
interesting

but sigh
i still wish i had a shot at sukma
too late, i'm 22!
no more sukma's for me!

kena bomb

2008-11-23T23:34:00.002+10:30

"what's the point of a blog for people to read when 100% of the time, they have no idea what the post is talking about?"

'i'm gonna stop reading one day in frustration"

"then u dun complain i dun read ur blog"

********

sob

i should stop emo-ing on my blog

i nv meant to frustrate people who genuinely care

2008-11-23T00:50:00.003+10:30

i cannot believe what i saw with my own eyes and heard with my own ears today

*shakes head in disbelief*

this cannot be happening

i don't want this to be happening

i feel so strangled

so suffocated

all this while it was just a fairytale, a myth i heard of and saw from another land

now i see it right before me

its so real

its just too real

maybe i really am better off staying in Australia

just leave everything and everyone here behind

and start over

2nd day back home

2008-11-21T01:33:00.005+10:30

how fun is netball

especially when ur old teammates rock up without telling u

went to help mum coach this lousy team for their netball match in 3 weeks time

mum was supposed to drill the attacking side,
i was meant to take the defence.

next thing i know,
i'm laughing my brain off flying all over the court with my old teammates.

AWESOMEEEEEEE

the team we were training were pretty disastrous though,
i got bashed and beaten up pretty badly.
the pains of being a defender.
smack smack smack.
ouch.

so good to be home
back the the real shaleeni,
who does sports, sings, bangs the piano daily.

2 and a half weeks left
gotta make full use of it
maybe i really should go for the AIDS awareness event next week although i've marked it in my diary all year

decisions, decision.

Matthew's got 2 events tmrw
the 100 fly and his pet event, the 100 breast

this time i cannot go screaming his name at the top of my lungs each time his head breaches the surface of the water
just gotta cheer him on silently from where i am

i hope he scores some points tmrw

2008-11-20T00:20:00.003+10:30

since i got home last night..
i have:

1. unpacked ALL my luggage etc
2. thrilled mummy with all the goodies i bought
3. visited lots of people at college
4. made tiramisu with shireen and wee han
5. read a tiny bit of my ielts book
6. cleaned heaps of cat shit *sigh*
7. eaten roti telur, mi hun kueh and mummy's nasi lemak
8. received undying love and attention from matt *heart*

not exactly productive in terms of the work i need to kau tim before i go back to adelaide

tmrw needs to be more productive
don't have much time.

2008-11-18T05:38:00.003+10:30

the time now is 5.38am
my table, mess, notes, papers, scrap spread all over.
my luggage, almost fully prepared.
my stomach, hurts so badly, making funny noises.

trust the tummy to throw a tantrum at you 3 hours before your paper really.

ouch.
this is it.
i'm almost at the end of this journey.

2008-11-17T22:26:00.004+10:30

Peace

thank you Jesus

2008-11-16T17:53:00.002+10:30

i'm not ready for this goodbye

2 days from my exam

how am i meant to study when everything looks blur through the tears

2008-11-16T02:46:00.005+10:30

Your eyes are full,
full of the future of us
The air changes as you look across
at me in that wondering way

It is as if
I knew you before we spoke
Do our hearts know something we don't?
Conspiring, converging
without giving us any say

You sing me to sleep,
talk down my walls
Look through my windows as I wait
You could be the thief
I give the key to

You're ruining me
with secrets and gestures and looks
With sonnets and second-hand books
Playing the chords in me
nobody knew how to play

You sing me to sleep,
talk down my walls
Look through my windows as I wait
You could be the thief
I give the key to

It fits in your hand like the water in rain
It unlocks our two different selves
and shows we are the same
Rather than wait 'til I
put me out for the taking
You're breaking
You're breaking into my heart
and I'm letting you

Your eyes are full,
full of the future of us

~Brooke Fraser

Sometimes i wish you'd just stay away from me.
Because through my eyes, i see no future.